Afraid of husband-rights!

Question

I heard that once a man and a woman enter a marriage, the woman has to obey whatever the man says to her to do. Is this true that a woman has to obey whatever the man says? What if the man disrupts the woman's ibadat by commanding her to do something at the time of salat? Is that Islamic? I'm not even sure I want to get married anymore. Does the woman have no say in making decisions with her husband?

Answer

The act of nikaah is a blessed Sunnah of our beloved Rasulullah (Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam). It
has been narrated in a hadith to the nearest meaning that "the nikaah is my Sunnah and whoever turned away from this Sunnah of mine is not from me'. So, if one is able to marry and does not have any valid excuse, then it is preferred that such an individual marries. Nikaah is a great blessing from Allah Ta'ala that allows individuals to fulfill their base desires in a Halaal manner and helps them abstain from haraam acts of fornication. Furthermore, Allah Ta'ala has allowed us to enter into Nikaah in order to find peace and happiness with one another. It is said in the Holy Qur'an,

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for
those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

Marriage is not to be approached as a submissive act to another person, but it is described as one of the greatest acts of worship to Allah Ta'ala. By entering into Nikaah, one is put in a state of perpetual ibaadat because you are following a Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam) every moment of you life when in that marriage. Furthermore, Allah Ta'ala has given us mates so that we may live in peace with them and to put love and mercy between our hearts. So, if you are of the means to do so, it is highly recommended that a Muslim should marry for these above reasons.

As for the rights of spouses, both parties are given responsibilities to fulfill to one another in order to maintain that harmony and love. A husband, for example, is responsible for providing his wife with all the necessities she needs in life, such as food, clothing, shelter. Islam has
put a man in charge of the family, but it is not to be interpreted as a position of unjust dominance. It is a position of great responsibility and it is a heavy obligation that has been put upon his shoulders and he will be answerable for how he dealt with his family and how he provided for them.

On the part of a wife, because Allah Ta'ala has given men the right of being "in charge", it is her obligation to obey that which he asks of her AS LONG AS IT IS NOT IN DISOBEDIENCE TO ALLAH TA'ALA. It is not appropriate for a wife to obey her husband if she has not fulfilled her
faraaidh/obligations to Allah Ta'ala. In the example you gave, a woman should not break her fardh act of ibaadat just to fulfill the wishes of her husband (such as break her salaat in order to comply with is request). However, as long as his requests and expectations do not go against the
Shari'ah, then a wife must obey her husband. That is to say, any extra acts of ibaadat (such as nafl salaat, zikr, nafl fasts, etc) can be abandoned if a husband asks a wife to, because obedience to the husband is a command of Allah Ta'ala (fardh), which takes more importance over nafl
(extra) acts of ibaadat that are not mandatory. In essence, obeying your husband is an act of ibaadat itself as well, and inshaAllah one will receive reward for those acts.

When making decisions, a husband and wife are certainly encouraged to make mashwera and take advice from each other as well. A husband's position as a leader of a household does not give him the right to be a dictator.
Rasulullah (Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam) is cited to have consulted his wives over certain matters, and a husband and wife should actively take part in discussions
that deal with making decisions about a family. However, because of the position a husband has been given, he will ultimately make the decision for his family. Just like in any other relationship, there has to be an
establishment of mutual understanding and agreement.

Spouses should regard each other as companions of each other and they should look out for each other's best interests. In the Qur'an spouses are describes as "cloaks" for each other, meaning that they are there to protect you, shield you, hide you, and provide warmth and modesty for you.

Let me also mention that when you love someone, it is natural to want to do things to make them happy. Essentially, when you get married, you learn
to love your spouse and fulfilling their requests is part of making them happy. Because Allah Ta'ala is pleased with those women who strive to please their husbands, your motivation to "obey" your husband should come from your desire to obey Allah Ta'ala. InshaAllah, if you keep that
mindset, the obedience becomes easy and will allow your spouse to shower even more love and appreciation on you.

We make the sincere dua that Allah Ta'ala grants you the opportunity to have the blessings of a beautiful marriage, inshaAllah and fulfill the sunnah of Rasulullah (Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam) and live a life of submission towards Allah Ta'ala.

And Allah knows best.

Ask Alimah Team

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