Question
I am a widow, my husband died a few months ago. How do I find a good husband? I HAVE BEEN MUSLIM FOR A LITTLE OVER A YEAR, AND IT IS MY BELIEF THAT WITHOUT A GOOD HUSBAND TO GUIDE AND TEACH ME, IT WILL NOT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEARN. THERE IS SO MUCH I HAVE TO LEARN. I NEED TO LEARN TO SAY THE PRAYERS IN ARABIC AS A SISTER TOLD ME THAT PRAYERS SAID IN ENGLISH DO NOT COUNT. IS THERE A GOOD MATCHMAKER I CAN GO TO? MY HUSBAND ACCEPTED ISLAM BEFORE HE DIED SO MY TIME OF MOURNING IS ALMOST OVER.
A MUSLIM BROTHER GAVE ME AN ARABIC NAME, AND I BELIEVE THAT THE NAME IS A GOOD ONE - AABIDA MUHAMMADI - IS IT PERMISSABLE TO RECEIVE A NAME THIS WAY?
I HAVE WORN A HIJAB AND IT HAS BEEN POSSIBLE FOR ME TO HAND OUT PAMPHLETS, BOOKS, AND EVEN SOME QUR'AN. IF I DID NOT WEAR HIJAB I WOULD NOT HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY. THE SISTERS I HAVE MET DO NOT EVEN USE THE GREETING, SOME JUST LOOK AT ME AND THEN LOOK AWAY. I AM 61 AND THEY SHOULD ANSWER ME IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I AM THEIR ELDER. MOST OF THEM DO NOT WEAR HIJAB.
I AM VERY CONFUSED, AND DO WANT TO FIND A HUSBAND AND COMPANION TO SHARE MY LIFE AND TO TEACH ME - THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I DO NOT KNOW, AND I AM NOT GETTING THE SAME ANSWER ON ANY OF MY QUESTIONS FROM THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY - I ONLY SEE THEM ONCE EVERY FEW MONTHS ANYWAY. I REALLY WANT TO HAVE MUSLIM FRIENDS. THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO ONE OF THEIR GET-TOGETHERS, NOBODY HARDLY TALKED TO ME, NOR DID THEY OFFER HELP, ASK IF I NEEDED BOOKS, OR IF I HAD A PRAYER RUG! AND THEY STILL ACT THE SAME WAY.
Answer
Respected Sister in Islam, May Allah SWT grant you abundant reward for your patience on a tremendous loss, may he remove all difficulties and grant your husband the highest stages in Paradise, Aamin. As you have mentioned that you still have much to learn, however don't let this overwhelm you, because knowledge is something that we seek from the cradle to the grave. I have met sisters who started learning about Islam from scratch, from each alphabet of the Quran, to the prayers, rules and regulations etc. At this time, don't look at how much you need to learn, rather look at how much you have already accomplished, through the help of Allah. A person who is running in a marathon doesnt look at how much road lays infront of him, instead he takes each mile as it comes and in the end it doesn't matter if he came first or last, his mission was to complete the race successfully. It is true that one's spouse is a great help in all our affairs, but it was the decree of Allah SWT to take him away at a time when you felt he was your only teacher. This may be an indication for you to turn all your focus and attention towards Allah alone, after all, HE is the best helper! You have mentioned that your community is not very helpful, perhaps they are not aware of your situation and intention to learn. The best way would be for you to go forward and ask everyone around if there is any learned sister who can teach you about Islam, prayers etc. the key word being "learned" because you don't want to learn about peoples' practices and traditions, you want to learn pure Islam. Until you find someone to help you, please feel free use this website for all your questions, it also offers excellent material on all aspects for new muslims. Prayers: It is true that the 5 daily prayers have to be offered in the Arabic language,there is no way around this, however prayer(supplication or Dua) in itself is not confined to the Arabic language. Just as people of other relegions fold their hands and sit down to pray, a Muslim (in the state of cleanliness) may sit down at any time, lift his/her hands and communicate with Allah for all their needs, and to thank Allah for all his favors. Ask Allah SWT to make a means for you in learning your deen. Islamic name: The name "Aabida" is indeed beautiful, it is feminine of "Aabid" which means "worshipper of Allah".If you feel happy with the name then you are welcome to keep it, as it will have a positive impact on your life,insha-Allah. Hijaab and Actions: It is a great blessing of Allah SWT that you are wearing hijaab, and it is sad that many muslim sisters are unaware of its importance in Islam. However like the saying goes, "Dont judge a book by its cover", similarly, Islam cannot be judged by Muslims. As Muslims we are lacking in all practical aspects of our faith, Islam teaches us to honor our elders, so much so that the Prophet Peace be upon him, used to visit the elderly people often and see to all their needs. In a narration by Amr bin Shuaib, the Prophet peace be upon him said "He is not one of us who doesn't show mercy to the young and honor the old ." (Book of Abu Dawood/Tirmizi) Dont be upset by the actions of fellow Muslims, instead pray to Allah to guide them as He has guided you. On a parting note, we would like to quote the saying of the Prophet Peace be upon him, as a glad tiding for you, he said, "When a person embraces Islam and his Islam is good,the sins he previously committed are forgiven by Allah SWT due to the blessedness of Islam, and thereafter, every good deed is multiplied by ten upto seven hundred , whereas every bad deed remains as one ,and Allah may overlook that too." May Allah SWT grant you happiness and success,AaminAnd Allah knows best.
Ask Alimah Team
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