Question

After 16 years of marriage and 5 kids, the husband started an affair with another woman and went to have another marriage. He does not give proper time, love or support to the first family and kids. [Note: question from a country where more than one marriages was allowed]

Answer

We receive your request with sorrow and grief. May Allah bless your family a peaceful life at home! We turn to Allah and beg for his forgiveness.

Kindly review some of the advices on "Happy Marriage ' Living with Peace and Harmony at Home" at our main page http://islameasy.org/Marriage_Advice.php

Marriage is an institute which can be as firm as a rock or weak as a thread, it is up to the partners to make it either one. We have to learn to be tolerant of each other for the pleasure of Allah 'Do not go by the book of 'My Rights'. Go by the book of Love, Ihsaan and khidmat. In other words, if every person goes out of his or her way to fulfill the rights of others, instead of demanding his or her own rights, or goes a step further than just fulfillment of rights, i.e. he or she goes out of his or her way to be kind, caring, loving and forgiving, then automatically this world will become a paradise.

The unfortunate part is that the husband opens the chapter of his rights and the wife opens the chapter of her rights. The parents open the chapter of their rights, and the children, of their rights. The teacher, his rights and the pupils, their rights, and then everyone demands fulfillment of these rights.

No doubt, rights have been declared so that no person should stop short of their fulfillment, but you cannot have a peaceful society if there is just demand for rights and no fulfillment of corresponding obligations.'

(Hedyatus Saalikeen, selected quotes by Shaykh Yunus Patel, 1998, South Africa)

Ask yourself the reason of your spouse's mistrust. You should always reassure your spouse of your love. If this is due to a mistake in the past, then seek to regain the love and confidence by displaying your love, regret (on the mistake), and make commitment to the marriage. Be ever cautious of not repeating the same error that had caused the problem.

InshaAllah, with your effort and good character, your spouse will feel like doing the same.

You can recite Ayat 21 of Surah Rome [Qur'an 30: 21]

Besides this you should read YA Wadoodo and YA Salaamo 21 times everyday.

[Editor's note]

Remember the teaching of the Islam to win the heart:

- Repel evil with good deeds;
- Join relations with the one who cuts it with you;
- Make Salaam to one who does not make Salaam;
- Forgive those who did bad to you;
- Keep politeness in all talk, with respect and love;

Allah says in the Noble Qur'an:
'The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.' [41:34].
'But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character). '[41:35].

Read Salaatul Haajaat (Prayer of Need)
http://islameasy.org/Dua_Hajat.php

Durood on the Prophet (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam)

Recite several times morning and evening:

ALLAHUMMA SALLI ALA MUHAMMADI(M) Muatta-rir-Roohe Wa Alahit-Tayyebeenat-Tahireena Salatan Tuatte-runa Biha wa Barik wa Sallim

(note: All 't' sounds are soft, like 'taleem' in Arabic/Urdu)

Recite the following:

LA ILAHA ILLA ANTA SUBHANAKA INNI KUNTU MINAZ ZALIMEEN
Translation: 'None has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allah)), Glorified (and Exalted) are You (above all that (evil) they associate with You). Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers."

LA HAULA WA LA QUWATA ILLA BILLAHIL ALIEL AZEEM
Translation: 'There is no strength (to refrain from sins but with the protection from Allah) and there is no power (to accomplish good deeds) but with the help of Allah, the High, the Supreme'

There is a great reward for patience at the time of difficulty. Make lots of Isteghfar and have complete trust in Allah. 'Only Allah can solve my Problem, or bless me with something better'. You should try your best to server your husband with love and respect and request Allah to soften his heart.

Dua:
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Give some Sadaqa on behalf of your spouse.
Make Du'a for your spouse after every Salah:

May Allah give him the ability to make Taubah, stop him from bad deeds and keep Shaitaan away from him! May Allah bless him with wisdom and knowledge of Deen! May Allah make him a pious person, forgive his faults, have mercy on him, elevate his status, and bless him with piety and generosity'. Ameen!

Increase time for Du'a, especially if you could wake up during the last part of night. Here is a startup script and example of Dua:

Dua from the Core of Heart http://islameasy.org/pdf/Duae_Walihana.pdf

Munajaat-e-Maqbool http://islameasy.org/Dua_MM_2.php

May Allah bless your family a peaceful life at home!

Cure for depression
http://islameasy.org/Cure_Depression.php

And Allah knows best.

Ask Alimah Team

Note: The rulings giving herein are based on the religious rulings of the Islamic Law and do not have any implications on the Law of the Country. The rulings given hereunder are specifically based on the question posed and should be read in conjunction with the question. AskAlimah.com site bears no responsibility to any party who may or may not act on this answer. AskAlimah.com site being hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused. This answers may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of the web site.

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